He was petting my hair now.
i had stopped crying about 2 minutes prior and had sunk into a place that was part dog-like animal, part little girl, part peasant/servant, and part amorphous woman who could be reduced to broken-being dysphoria, or set on fire with a whispered word ...
His word, His choice.

"you enter subspace surprisingly easily ... i would have thought i would have had to work much much harder to get you here, by that tough-lil-badass-know-it-all act of yours ... but no ..." He said softly near my ear, still stroking me like an adored little pet.

just minutes before He had been berating me for my egocentricity, bating me into my own self-created delusions and cages. i had the type of revelations one has in therapy, but without the pedantic silence on the other end ... instead, on the other end there was an unveiled sadistic pleasure and satisfaction at rubbing my face in how transparent are my personality flaws, how utterly selfish and futil some of my behaviours, how useless my life and existence were- as they were without real meaning even to me in certain ways... there was a calm that was filled with silent pleasure, rather than detachment.

i was certain for almost an hour that this would be the extent of it- that His disdain for me and my pathetic, worn out games would prevent Him from any form of sexual arousal towards me, and i was there only to be humbled and humiliated and shredded to bits, and that i would have to go home hurt, maybe even embittered and disgusted with myself for subjecting ...

but now He was petting me, and none of that mattered. i could almost feel a purr beginning to form somewhere between my throat and head.
i could tell He liked the feel of my hair in His hand- there was a pleasure-filled invisible mist emanating from His hand, His voice, and from His breath ... i could not see Him as i was blindfolded but i could hear His smile-- it wasn't big, but it was very genuine.

"do you like it here?"
i nodded.
He yanked my head back by my hair very suddenly.
"what is your answer?'
"yes, Sir - i do."
"do you know why?"
i was not sure if i should answer or if he would tell me. i was silent and flustered for a few seconds then felt the crack- a stroke of wood across my ass.
"because i'm a slut, Sir."
he laughed a soft chuckle.
"Yes<>You<>Are." He said, punctuated with whips of wood against my reddening flesh, and the sounds of my moans, sighs, and yelps - depending how the sensation He offered felt.

i honestly had no wishes except to experience what he had to offer me, not even a preference of pain or pleasure.

i had waited so long for this, and the gratitude i felt- even to be beaten- was so profound.

"so tell me slutgirl- what is happening to that cunt of yours, as i beat your pretty ass while you are blindfolded and bound?"

my tits and arms were bound with a silky rope, i was holding my own elbows and my hands were tied to stay between my shoulder blades.
there were so many sensations that would previously or in another context been experienced as "unpleasant" or *uncomfortable*, but in this context EVERYTHING felt different ... it took deep concentration to sense what was happening between my legs.

"hmmm? does this turn you on, or would you like me to stop?"

i felt the wetness, but it was actually more unpleasant than the "pain" or the stretch of my shoulders, for instance, or the pinch the beautiful rope made on my tits.
i was too confused to answer straight away.
suddenly His strong, lean and graceful hand was rubbing my bare cunt and he was whispering in my ear
"this cunt right here ... can you feel it?" i began moaning
"yes, Sir."
"pretty fucking wet, isn't it my sweet little painslut?"

i had never thought of myself that way- "masochist" is the LAST label i would place on myself, but there it was- i was indeed very, VERY wet ...

"yes, Sir."

"do you like the pain you feel when a sadist feels aroused my that slutty little body, and wants to hurt it?"
i got such a rush of emotion and arousal when he said that.
"yes, Sir!"
and suddenly i wanted so much to be fucked instead of beaten, to suck cock instead of talk, to give Him as much pleasure as He was giving me, or more.
i tried to turn - if i had not been bound i would have thrown my arms around Him and kissed Him passionately. whatever movements my body made in that moment made Him chuckle and he withdrew His hand and whispers and began beating me harder.

"SPREAD those slutty thighs for me, it' time for your first pussy whipping."

i opened my legs wider (i was kneeling) he lightly hit my inner thighs
"wiiider, slutgirl"
i complied and immediately felt the first real abuse to my pussy and clit ...

it was nothing like i had pictured when i read or heard about it- it was as if my cunt was a button, and with each stroke of the crop to the button, something would release into my body that made more and more animal-like ... the sounds escaping my mouth were at first like a small-medium sized dog when it is trying to get it's owner's attention ... the sounds then grew deeper though, more primal, strange, foreign and complex.

this went on for what seemed like an hour, but i'm pretty sure it was only 10 or 15 mins. i was surprisingly so close to cumming, but by the time i was panting and my head was swimming in sensation, hunger, and lust - it was if i was unable to find my way out of a maze ... my mind was becoming wild and a desperation for release was crackling in every cell of every part of my body and as if He knew this, He then began to use the first implement (wood) on my thighs, tits, belly and ass and only once in a while hit my pussy with the crop. something began to change- the heat of my abused flesh had it's own mind and agenda and by breath was able to sync with it enough to bring me into a new place inside myself where the pain was not what i had known to be "pain" before ...
i was becoming more confident in this state and less frustrated ...
it was as if i glimpsed the flash of light- the place where the opening was, i was about to escape the maze! just then the sensations stopped and he was whispering in my ear once again ... the sound of His voice i swear, pure ambrosia! i can honestly say i would rather hear it than eat!

"you wouldn't dare cum before you have satisfied Me, would you slutgirl?"
OH NO! did i cum? no ... i don't think i did ... but i would have if He hadn't said that. i was mortified.

nodding my head no,
"no, no i didn't Master" it just slipped out, brain swimming in so many fantasies and desires and sensations in deep mind.

chuckling, "hahahaha, 'Master' huh? No, no, no: I am not your Master, slutgirl ..."
he was genuinely amused and i was very embarrassed.
"right now i am your trainer- here to teach you some manners and maybe a few other things ... you are merely my toy for the day- i'm not even sure that you are worthy of being fucked, much less controlled and used on a regular basis. is that what you want though? to be my slave??"
i sighed.
"yes, Sir."
i was still panting, but catching my breath- so SO very sorry for my slip of selfishness and presumptuousness.

He then came close to my face and slipped the blindfold off.
(His hands, i love His hands.)

"first things first, and what i want to know right now, is whether you can suck cock adequately, decently, or perfectly ... if it is BELOW adequately, you will be sent home without your clothes today."

that sounded like a joke or a game, but looking at His face and hearing His tone, i wasn't so sure ... this turned me on TREMENDOUSLY- that thought, along with His face- the way His hair was hanging- boyish dark curls a little long over His brow and the expression in His soft blue eyes was sharp and UTTERLY serious-
this was do or die, and i knew if i failed to please, He would have absolutely NO qualms about humiliating me further.

He began stroking my face, even softer than He did my hair,

"i know you are new to this, but you do know better than to cum without permission, don't you?"
looking into His eyes i was nodding 'yes', hoping He could see how eager i was to make up for my ALMOST mistake.

"because THAT<> is not what I want<> in a submissive<> slutgirl <>"
(He was punctuating His sentence with HARD face slaps.)
"do you want to be my submissive slutgirl?"
the going from sooo soft to that was indescribably hot for me, physically and emotionally as well- that He has the guts and confidence to play with me in this way, just second nature and with so much control just made me know something about Him that i cannot yet explain.

i was nodding yes and my pussy was on fucking fire and all i wanted was a chance to please Him.
"yes, SIr."

i was literally praying he would let me see, smell, taste, suck, lick that cock of His. i was wild with desire AND curiosity about the characteristics of His manhood-
was it big? what color was it? did it get rock hard easily, or did it require a lot of work? did it respond to tenderness as much as lasciviousness? what could i do to make it JUMP ?
those questions and more, but i did not DARE ask, as i knew i may not have yet shown my worthiness.

"if you want to be my personal little slut, my pretty little service whore? you will not even THINK about cumming without permission- that is FIRST AND FOREMOST." His eyes were literally burning into mine, and i could see this was indeed the #1 rule.

"no Sir, i will never, ever cum without permission."
"and if you do? what will happen if you do?"
"i won't, Sir ... i promise."
he chuckled.
"well, i see that you will try, BUT ... sometimes you fail, right? you are not always perfect in reality, are you?"
i fumbled and didn't know what to say.
" noooo, you are not ... so what should we do if you fail? what should we do with you?"
"punish me, Sir ..."
"yes, slutgirl, i will most certainly have to punish you. but how??? we need to decide how ... any ideas?"

i nodded my head. i began considering various scenarios- all turned me on immensely. i didn't know if i should offer them, or wait for Him to ask me, or if He would offer punishment options- we are still so new to one another and i did not want to say or do the wrong thing.
He could see this and it aroused Him

He then untied me tenderly, unzipped His pants, and with an almost pity in His eyes allowed me to kneel before Him.

"show me what you can do with that slutty mouth..."

i reached for it and what emerged was the most exquisite- i am not exaggerating, it was the most beautiful, delicious, sensual thing i had ever seen- it was like God-creature!
it was erect, but not rock hard and when i looked up at Him, the expression on His face was that of patiently suspending disbelief.
this was really my chance, maybe my ONLY chance...

i opened my mouth and first tasted the tip, i got a few drops of precum right away, which excited and encouraged me ... i became like a puppy with a bone, and i could see He enjoyed my eagerness for a bit, but He soon wanted my throat.
taking fistsful of my hair in each hand, He made handles for my head to shove that growing, gorging, beautiful meat toward my lungs. i became so attuned to His every sound, movement, gesture, barely formed thought and wish that i felt like i became a living, breathing THING for His pleasure and ultimate satisfaction.

in reflex my throat tightened and my hands lifted at times, but He payed no heed and directed my head by hair around His cock's sensations and if i gagged, he let me catch my breath, perhaps let the slobber fall out and choke for a brief moment, then in his cock went back down my throat. i kept my eyes glued to His.
He was amazingly quiet during this, his sounds of pleasure were subtle and subdued, which turned me on even MORE, as i felt like i had to pay such close attention, and His handling of me was so rough-- as if i were indeed an object ...

he seemed to really enjoy the feeling of my gag reflex around that throbbing God of His, and i stopped dreading or resisting the gagging and instead gave myself to it as fucked my skull as if He had not ejaculated in a decade, and my mouth and throat existed for that sole purpose alone.

He very suddenly stopped His ferocious use of my face, took a deep breath and then grabbed me gently but very firmly by the head with my hair as He let His arm drop so that my head was about knee level as He with a VERY slow, relaxed, deliberate manner took me by the hair, bent over and completely submissive to his every movement, slooowly up the stairs and to the first room on the left.
i was both excited to see His bed, and afraid of what was next.

He ordered me to "spread those slutty thighs again for me."
i spread them about 4 ', feet parallel and facing the bed.
with a complete calm, He slipped His head by my shoulder and began whispering again in my ear, so softly while He reached around
"what do you want now, slutgirl? hmmm?" playing with my drenched pussy. i was certain i would begin dripping, if i wasn't already.
"do you want to cum? huh? don't you want to bend over and beg me to fuck you like a farm animal?"
my mind was swimming in heat, sweat, his musk, my lust.
His voice~ a sound i cannot do justice to with words ...

there was something just then that pricked my pleasure bubble, not sure how or why-
the desire to please Him and to prove that i am worthy of being kept for regular use and pleasure oriented me in an instant, and as wet as my cunt was and as desperately as i wanted to feel the plowing of that God in and out of what felt in that moment like the most powerful, slippery vacuum in my cunt -- i realized, it was a trick! He was testing me! He was seeing if i was truly submissive, or if i was just another selfish slut.

"yes Sir i do, but i really want your cum more, Sir."

he laughed, and played with my pussy even more. i could hear it's wet, nasty sounds, smell it's slutty, humid fragrance- flowers and musk. he put His cunt-wet fingers in my mouth and the taste of my own pussy was the nectar i needed to wake fully.
i want this to last.

i began exerting my own resolve over my body- i would not make the same mistake twice! certainly not here in His bedroom.

"do you?? aha!..." he walked away.
"hmmm, very good, i might have a pretty little service slut? i am very pleasantly surprised! you MIGHT just be worth all the trouble and patience you require."

He slowly walked and sat down at the opposite edge of the bed with His back toward me.
"ok then: on your knees- slutgirls do not EVER walk in this room- only crawl or kneel."
"yes, Sir."
i got down on my hands and knees and awaited His next instruction...
"are you ready to learn how to be of use to Me?"
"yes Sir, i am"

chuckling a little he leaned back, belt unbuckled and with wide, and almost hopeful gaze he looked over to me and gestured to come toward Him. i crawled slooowly, focused and a little bit playful around the foot of the bed. His boyishness comes in flirts and flashes, but in these moments it is there, steady and strong and He brushes my hair away from my face, then grabs a fistful at the nape of my neck ... feeling even this little bit of His power and control settles me so deeply.

kneeling there between His legs, which hang over the side, his feet still with shoes on and firmly planted on the wood floor and i gazing at my beautiful, rockhard prize~ showing Him with every ounce of slut that i am how willing and ready i am for Him.