Expectations, confusion, ramblings
I am in lets say a rather emo mood and I know that bdsm is not a solution but I wish it was. I have alot of stress in my life and alot of issues. I am very "dominant" in my every day life I am a leader, I am the responsible friend. As a result I have to deal with alot of issues that are not mine and of course try to help. A bdsm relationship is appealing because someone ends up taking care of me, they end up being responsible for me and in turn I can give them my all, my submission. That may sound terrible to some but it entails the thoughts up stairs.
Not to mention is just feels right to be on the bottom of things heh. Anyways I am rambling because I think I have high expectations of a dom.
With the dom-ly presences in my life I always feel like I am putting in a huge effort chasing the dom, trying to get his attention, and he slips up on things he knows I want or enjoy and thinks nothing of it. I just feel like I am putting in a bunch of pointless effort. Doms get away with shit cause they are doms.(I will also interject these are not committed relationships of any sort, maybe they need to be)
As one of my friends said I am princess submissive ... I was like you know what yea I think I am. That being said is there such a thing? can there be such a thing? I am high maintenance and want help with my stress and messed up little self. I want to be spoiled and loved and beat. I want bruises that get nursed back to health.
Again I am rambling my excuse is frustration. I feel that perhaps having expectations for a dom makes me not a sub. I have high standards that seem to never match a dom and I am struggling with what I am supposed to do about it. Research perhaps. Anyways I don't know what else to say but perhaps I should be sleeping.
I don't expect a lot of response to this, I just had to grumble I suppose.
I will give you a real topic tomorrow.
Nervous Nightmares and Delightful Dreams
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Re: Expectations, confusion, ramblings
I understand you completely. But you shouldn't stick to definitions that are arbitrary anyway. If you aren't a "sub", so what? You have to look for that guy whom you can trust and who loves you and not for a "master", a "dom", "ten years of experience", "20 years in the scene" ... wait until you fall in love.
Just keep in mind that 100% vanilla will never do for you, else the day will come when you are very unhappy with such a relationship - maybe only after a decade or so. And whatever both partners do, they should do it because they want to and not as a favour.
Re: Expectations, confusion, ramblings
Stop thinking about it and do something to make it happen. You have a brilliant mind which would make anyone very happy to have you. You just after to get off your ass and decide you want to jump in...
You have lots to offer..just do it already...
Re: Expectations, confusion, ramblings
Impish,
Your path in bdsm seems so similar to my own. At times I think you were reading my mind 2 months ago. Not to say your path is not unique, it most certainly is, just conveying that you're not alone.
"I feel that perhaps having expectations for a dom makes me not a sub. I have high standards that seem to never match a dom and I am struggling with what I am supposed to do about it. Research perhaps."
I think having expectations of a Dom makes you a sub. If you were made to bend for any Tom, Dick or Harry we wouldn't have this conversation. Having limits and wants are what this is about. Just being a Dom, does not a happy sub make. Finding the right Dom for the sub makes at least 2 people very happy.
That you feel you're chasing the Dom, hmm. You know what you want and hope to form them into that vision? I've done that. Not all who claim to be Doms are. Sometimes men will be so enamored with you cause you're fabulous, that they will find out what you're looking for, claim to be that but not know how to BE that.
An ex-vanilla, "just tell me what to do and I'll do it". Well, that takes all the fun out of it! I don't want to tell him what to do, and I suspect you do not either.
And now the words no excited sub likes to hear. Patience, patience. You are asking great questions, you are being honest, but also, you're finding a lot out about yourself (a presumption as the questions have progressed).
Have a great day, and don't be too discouraged at "confusion".
Re: Expectations, confusion, ramblings
You just haven't found the right guy to put you in your place yet, girl.
Keep looking and he will find you. Then life will get interesting.
-=Storm=-
Re: Expectations, confusion, ramblings
Your looking for a white knight on a big white horse just my opinion of course.