Anonymous's picture

Sir told me today's blog entry would be about my fears and trepidation. Now when Sir first gave me this blog task I knew what fear meant, I knew what my fears was. But the second part trepidation I had no clue what this word meant. I had an idea that probably was just another word for fear. As I have heard this word used before but the meaning of it was always a grasp away from me. I know I should of asked for clarification of what that word meant. But than we go back to the fear of not wanting Sir to think I am stupid, dumb for not knowing what this word meant. I more than likely will get punished for not asking for the clarification. All I can say is this slave is still learning.
So I will start with my fears as that seems like a good place to start. One of the biggest fears I have when it comes to Sir is
being released, let go. For if you been looking for something as many years as I have,the thought of it going away is very fearful. Last night when Sir and I was talking on the phone I shared with Sir things personal things I never shared with another living body before. Things that I never thought I would ever share or express out loud to another human being. Then after we hung up the phone I got scared. I was like what did I just do, making myself so vulnerable, so open. But like I told Sir last night he's got the keys to every door in my heart,mind, and soul. There's nothing I can keep from him or try to hide from him. I have fears that Sir is unlike any other dominant I've ever known, come across, or anything else. Sir is the Dominant Owner that I truly need, that I've always needed. And part of it is scary knowing the type of Dominant Sir is. But also knowing deep in my heart, mind, and soul that the type of dominant Sir is, is exactly what I need, what I desire most. Speaking writing my fears out feels good. I feel that relief that I am finally letting them out, by letting them out they have no control over me. But if I truly think about it they have no control over me to begin with as nothing is of own anymore. My body, mind, and soul belong to my Owner. So what do I have to fear for I am Owned.
The second part of my blog is trepidation. I know last night and in the early parts of the morning my body lower half was shaking trembling and I know it was from my fear, anxiety. Sir is the only one who wanted wants to know my fears. I suppose I also have that anxiety fear trepidation of what people, friends, or family might think of me. Sir is not making me more public I am doing it out of my own free will. But still it's fearful to think of being exposed for who I truly am. As I have been fighting with myself for far too many years now. Trying to push down my desires, needs, and wants. Putting up a portray of someone who isn't me. And finally being able to openly freelee be the person I was always meant to be feels good. Voicing putting it in writing all these things has been a good thing, a weight that was there has been lifted unaware how heavy that weight truly was.
I appreciate Sir giving me this blog task for it was the right one to do today. As I am learning exposure and being one's true self it's not a bad thing.

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trimagic's picture

Re: Fears

Nice essay dear. I am looking forward to reading more from you.

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