PeJay's blog
When I'm a little old man
Submitted by PeJay on Tue, 07/28/2009 - 15:42WHEN I'M A LITTLE OLD MAN
When I'm a little old man Then I'll live with my children and bring them great joy.
To repay all I've had from each girl and boy I shall draw on the walls and scuff up the floor; Run in and out without closing the door.
I'll hide frogs in the pantry, socks under my bed.
Whenever they scold me, I'll hang my head.
The Farmer and The Widow
Submitted by PeJay on Tue, 07/07/2009 - 17:22A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.
Big People Words
Submitted by PeJay on Tue, 06/09/2009 - 09:10
A group of children were trying very hard to become accustomed to Nursery.
The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on NO baby talk!
You need to use 'Big People' words,' she was always reminding them.
She asked John what he had done over the weekend?
'I went to visit my Nana'.
No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use 'Big People' words!'
She then asked Mitchell what he had done
'I took a ride on a choo-choo'.
She said. 'No, you took a ride on a TRAIN.
You must remember to use 'Big People' words'.
She then asked little Alex what he had done?
'I read a book' he replied.
That's WONDERFUL!' the teacher said.
'What book did you read?'
Alex thought real hard about it,
then puffed out his chest with great pride, and said,
'Winnie the SHIT'.
A Poem
Submitted by PeJay on Sat, 05/30/2009 - 07:13Golf Poem
In My Hand I Hold A Ball,
White And Dimpled, Rather Small.
Oh, How Bland It Does Appear,
This Harmless Looking Little Sphere.
By Its Size I Could Not Guess,
The Awesome Strength It Does Possess.
But Since I Fell Beneath Its Spell,
I've Wandered Through The Fires Of Hell.
My Life Has Not Been Quite The Same,
Since I Chose To Play This Stupid Game.
It Rules My Mind For Hours On End,
A Fortune It Has Made Me Spend.
It 's Made Me Yell And Curse And Cry,
To Hate Myself And Want To Die.
It Promises A Thing Called Par,
If I Can Hit It Straight And Far.
To Master Such A Tiny Ball,
Should Not Be Very Hard At All.
But My Desires The Ball Refuses,
And Does Exactly As It Chooses.
It Hooks And Slices, Dribbles And Dies,
And Disappears Before My Eyes.
Often It Will Have A Whim,
To Hit A Tree Or Take A Swim.
With Miles Of Grass On Which To Land,
It Finds A Tiny Patch Of Sand.
Then Has Me Offering Up My Soul,
If Only It Would Find The Hole.
It's Made Me Whimper Like A Pup,
And Swear That I Will Give It Up.
And Take To Drink To Ease My Sorrow,
But The Ball Knows ... I'll Be Back Tomorrow.
A recent study found the average golfer walks about 900 miles a year.
Another study found golfers drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year.
That means, on average, golfers get about 41 miles to the gallon.
Kind of makes you proud.
Losing weight
Submitted by PeJay on Wed, 05/20/2009 - 01:14The Winalot (Dog Biscuits in UK) Diet
A real story by a Man who was standing in a queue in Tesco's....(Big UK Supermarket).....
I have 2 dogs & I was buying a large bag of Winalot in Tesco and was standing in the queue at the till.
A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
Things for a sub not to do (Just for giggles)
Submitted by PeJay on Thu, 05/14/2009 - 06:46Found this on another site and thought it might bring a smile to a few faces...
Please, feel free to add to the list; I have! :o)
1."Stop It Motherfucker!" is not a safe word. (Yes, I know it should be)
2.Scraping your teeth won't get you out of a blow job. (I was just as shocked as you!)
3."Get it yourself" doesn't earn you any brownie points. (hey, it was worth a try)
4."That didn't hurt", "I dare You", "You can't!" (Do I need to explain those?)
Bad day at the office
Submitted by PeJay on Sun, 05/10/2009 - 07:00 I LOVE MY JOB
If you don't laugh out loud after you read this you are in a coma! This is even funnier when you realize it's real! Next time you have a bad day at work think of this guy.
Bob is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers in Louisiana .
Dad at the mall
Submitted by PeJay on Tue, 05/05/2009 - 02:11I took my Dad to the mall the other day to buy some shoes (he is 92).
We decided to grab a bite to eat at the food court.
Fiscal Stimulus
Submitted by PeJay on Sun, 04/19/2009 - 05:31Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at No.10 Downing St,
One is from Birmingham, another is from Manchester, and the third is from Liverpool .
All three go with a Downing St. official to examine the fence. The Birmingham contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring,then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I reckon the job will run about 900quid: 400 for materials, 400 for my team and 100 profit for me."
The Manchester contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for 700 quid: 300 for materials, 300 for my team and 100 profit for me."
The Scouse contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the Downing St. official and whispers, "2,700. quid" The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other men! How did you come up with such a high figure?"The Scouse contractor whispers back, "1000 for me, 1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Manchester to fix the fence. "Done!" replies the government official.
And that, my friends, is how Gordon's new stimulus plan will work.
