petunia in pain Not tied up at Slavefarm

Not tied up

Submitted by petunia in pain on Thu, 04/21/2011 - 04:41

We met at work. He was a Marine, returned, not going back. He was on my team at work. We hit it off. He was a guy all about having a good time. She had just graduated (so the intern) and was ready for that. He was not the body type she thought she could accept, but you look over a lot of things when your adrenaline and endorphines have anything to do with it. After several late nights out, some silent conversations on P4 of the parking garage at lunch, and many weeks, we decided to make it real.

He transferred to a different team within the company so we could "come out" after 4 months, an accepted thing in the company.

Suddenly they were the "it" couple. Alone, never invited to much. Together, it seemed, the life of the party!

He was the first boyfriend (okay, really the second boyfriend ever) that expressed thoughts she had during masturbation. At that time, the only way to describe how she liked to be dominated. How she thought of being put in painful, challenging situations.

Of course his reaction was, "that's hot"! "Where can I tie you up". Taking all cues from her. He had never thought of this, but thought since he had such a rare masochist, he should bend, conform to her. He had a dark side from the military and she thought he felt obligated to "know what to do to be a dominate".

From her descriptions and passions, she explained the ideas of hog tie (now don't lol, he looked it up on google for a picture). Also, golden showers, just briefly, he was vehemently opposed. Also, hot wax, prolonged insertions, nipple clamps, rope, temperature stuff etc. His ideas came back as body paint... (sigh). She wondered what she would have to do to show him, TEACH him!! Frustration ringing her whole body.

It came down to a vanilla night. She was begging him to do something to her. "Please tie me up". And he was enthralled with a terrible baseball game. As the night progressed, she just started taking her clothes off. "What, my shirt isn't good enough? You want to see my bra to do it? What, my bra isn't enough, you want to see my tits? Fine then, the jeans and underwear come off too! If I can't convince you that I deserve to be tied up, I'll sit in front of you naked in front of the t.v., the 9th inning no less!"

Okay, that sounds extreme, and it is. It was only the 7th inning and his team was tied, but where's the love? Naked, waiting to be bound chick, or the f'in' worst team winning?

Well, the game ended with the crappy team winning. He was getting his ice water for the bedside table and she confronted him in the galley kitchen, preventing him from leaving. "What do I have to do to get you to tie me up"?
"I just don't want to, why do you want it so bad"?
"I don't know, but is it so bad to just tie me please"?
"But I just want to got to bed, it's been a tough night".
"Are you kidding me? I just did a strip tease, and basically said 'do with me what you will' and you just sat there watching that pathetic team pull off one win"!
"I don't have time for this", he said.

And then it happened.

She was standing in front of him, pissed, so she started pissing, right there on the floor. She was sick of not being accommodated for her emotions, wants and needs.

No reaction.

DAMN IT! Are you kidding me? This is okay? I just pissed on a kitchen floor, in front of someone, and they are treating me like I'm not in trouble... what!!!!

Those are the relationships I wish NOT to repeat!!!

Thanks again. This was a difficult one to dig out.

-petunia

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Box of chocolates....
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Re: Not tied up

Submitted by petunia in pain on Tue, 02/21/2012 - 05:37.

http://www.52weeksofkink.com/?p=110

I came across this article and am wondering if the action here was a true brat (topping from the bottom) or an act of brat-iness?

Interesting....

Re: Not tied up

Submitted by hardcock1992 on Sat, 04/23/2011 - 00:59.

wow i would not be like that at all to you id deff treat you like you were less and give you lots of pain

Re: Not tied up

Submitted by Nasty_Male on Thu, 04/21/2011 - 19:25.

petunia in pain wrote:

I ended up naked on my hands and knees cleaning it up though

At least something good came from that night! Is it hot in here?

Re: Not tied up

Submitted by petunia in pain on Thu, 04/21/2011 - 19:19.

As I wrote the last blog, the idea that perhaps I am not submissive, had occurred to me. The way I manipulated, seemed I was controlling him, to control me.

But, I also questioned the situation. You were correct, in saying he was not my master. If the relationship had been established, with a true understanding of my expectations, his expectations, and what was acceptable behaviour and what was not, would my unhappiness have manifested itself differently? I think greatly. It was a moment of desperation with someone who did not understand, but how could he? Even provoking as if I was a petulant 3 year old, a person who knows better than to just piss, did not get a rise. It was not innate in him to master over a sub. It was not innate, or learned in him to punish.

At that time, I did not know a way to communicate. I am still learning here how to learn/express what, as a submissive, I desire. The picture is forming, it is just fuzzy.

I have not yet pee'd like that to get what I want. It didn't work the first time! I ended up naked on my hands and knees cleaning it up though

-petunia

Re: Not tied up

Submitted by Nasty_Male on Thu, 04/21/2011 - 18:52.

Seeing as you're beginning to explore your submissive side, what you wrote last night raises a good issue: how should a submissive deal with her desires not being fulfilled? Even though the guy you wrote about wasn't your master, a comparable situation could arise even in the halycon world of BDSM. If your needs regularly are not being met, the relationship probably isn't right; but how should you handle not getting what you want?

The following is an over simplification, but trying to add all the relevant caveats made it an unwieldy mess of clauses and reduced its clarity. Submissives can't demand. All they can do is request, suggest, seduce or beg. Once the dominant has made his decision, the sub can only accept it or leave. There are many reasons why a dom might not approve his sub's request ranging from the mundane (he's tired or the game is on) to the playfully sadistic (he enjoys denying her and seeing her squirm or wants her to beg more passionately), to training (she needs to learn that HE makes the decisions or he feels she she'd wants it too much) and lastly to punishment (she lost a privilege or he's displeased with her). Being with a dom who's needs are comparable to yours will reduce the frequency of this happening, but it will still happen.

In the past when I made a decision not to grant my sub's request I would usually briefly explain why, and tell her to do something else. This was so she understood why she didn't get what she wanted and having a task would took her mind off it. This isn't to imply she would happily trot off whistling, thinking "I'm glad master said no, he's always right," but neither of them ever peed on the floor. Each dom has his own way of handling situations like this. You'll have to figure this out with the dom you serve. It's possible when he says "NO" he'll expect you to kneel quietly in the corner until he needs something.
It would be great if other members, both dominant and submissive) would respond explaining how they handle saying, or being told, "no".

Another issue it might behoove you to consider, and I'm not implying anything by this, is whether you actually are submissive. While being masochistic and enjoying bondage are often submissive qualities, neither inherently indicates the other. If someone is French there is a good chance he likes French food but its not a given, and lots of people who like French food aren't French. Remember there are no wrong answers. You just have to figure out what makes sense for you.

This article is also very important because it warns potential masters that you might petulantly pee if you don't get enough attention.

Re: Not tied up

Submitted by petunia in pain on Thu, 04/21/2011 - 14:44.

It's interesting you say candid. My initial goal was something more light hearted and fun... but this is what came out.
I have never dwelled on this moment, but put it in a box. The bf and I never talked about what was really going on. In fact we didn't talk about it again. I assumed he just thought I was pissed...
It was a moment for me saying, "I cannot change him", and that is okay. I will take what he can give, which when it came to it, was not enough.
Of course hindsight is 20/20...
-petunia