Though I have the attentions of your elder brother, I pine for you, why? I call this question to the stars, to the Goddess, to my inner self. There is no defining answer. I’m in the grip of sickness. I know one day it will sweep me away, forever into its vast sea. My children will not know me, my Master will not control me. I will be damned.

    With my illness I don’t always have good days. It helps to talk about it, so here goes.........

    “Take me there.” I sobbed. We were alone this evening, of that I was grateful. Living in a poly arrangement was hard on my reclusive nature. Just as he thrived on it, I found this triad crushing. Still it did not matter my feelings to him, just that I complied, or was I wrong? Perhaps I was being shortsighted and unfair. I did not see things as he did after all.

    Of recent days I have been far too ill to sit at the computer, and too depressed to socialize. ‘Slet’ the word means delete in Danish, and describes to me exactly what I feel for life, yes if only I could be deleted. A fit of terrible depression grips me, more crushing than ever before. Dark thoughts seek to blot out every vestige of light. My much hoped for freedom bid in tatters, Master’s words vindicated ring in my ears.

   Har en god Beltane!

    We were bad pagans this year, we did not go to Beltane worship due to Master’s company commitments. Perhaps that is why the Goddess so frowned on me, this weekend was awful.............

    I have heard Frej has a prestigious new job with a rival construction company, Master Svend seems none too pleased at this. Perhaps Frej’s knowledge is some kind of danger to Master’s company in his competitors hands, I really do not know. I’m proud of Frej. I guess that means he has at least for the time being kicked his habit. There is no way he could have got such a position if his employer knew of his weakness.