Yesterday was the last day of being in diapers. This made me a very, very happy girl. I learned a lot the last few days. I want to please Sir, even when he asks me for horrible things, I want to please him, so I need to do what he says. He deserves the very best, but has accepted me, and so fighting him is just a disrespectful waste of his time.

I thought i'd write give everyone an insider perspective of how this punishment is going.

7:30 - It's been a few hours and i normally would just get up and pee right now. There is a mild pressure on my bladder. I'm very aware that i'm not allowed to use a toilet. The diaper is so poofy between my legs and sometimes rubs against me just the right way to feel really good. Between the diaper and the plastic panties when i move, i crinkle.

7:45 - Finished another sippy cup of water. Fidgeting.

Well, I've survived so far. I've broken down and asked Sir for forgiveness multiple times, but he's not given into my tears. He says there is more in store tomorrow, i couldn't possibly have really learned my lesson yet.

He did allow me to just sleep in the diaper, not the plastic panties, so long as i promised to stay dry. It wasn't as bad as i feared. After i showered this morning i was instructed to write on my breasts - BAD GIRL, WHORE and above them, HOLE. I keep looking down and seeing those words and feeling shame.

When i arrived back home from being out with family I received the email with my first set of instructions.

Apparently, my behavior as of late has not been good. While occasionally Sir allows me to be his little girl, i crossed the line too many times and have been acting too much like a child - talking back, not following the rules, and the final straw was having a little hissy. As such, he's decided on a punishment that will fit the crime.

Sir is unhappy with my behavior as of late, but is too busy to punish me in person. He says I've been acting childish and immature, and he's probably right. What am i saying, of course he is, he's Sir, he's always right.

The first of a few packages he's sending arrived for said punishment. Diapers. If i can't act like an adult I won't be treated like one. I'm NOT looking forward to next week when this happens. Already i'm knocked down a few pegs just knowing what he intends.

I was looking at old photos of myself earlier today... I looked like a Campbell's soup kid - freckled, big smile, demurely posed, obedient. What happened? lol... I suppose my neurosis was in the making even back then. When I look at the old photos I can't help but wonder what my parents would've thought if they knew where my thoughts turned, even back then - that behind that pale, freckled facade, there lurked this other girl, this other aspect of myself. I believe everyone has a dark side.