Something that has always been rather hard for me is being kept naked. I have self-esteem issues that have always made it extremely embarrassing for anyone to look at me, naked or not. Naturally, I managed to get beyond my fear of being seen, otherwise I might not have ever left the safety of my childhood bedroom. However, I have not yet, and might not ever, gotten over the humiliation of being viewed unclothed.
I’m able to put this fear behind me, on occasion, but more often than not you’ll find me wrapped in a blanket (unless it’s excruciatingly hot, and sometimes even then) even though there’s no one to look at me but Master. At times, I’d rather sweat than sit unclothed so that every fold and curve of my skin is visible to Him. And when Master is fully clothed it’s that much more difficult to sit vulnerable to scrutiny.
He’s never made a single negative comment about my appearance. His hands almost never leave my body when we’re home together. But the ones that are meant to be positive sting just as much as a negative comment could. Because in every positive word He says to me, I hear my own mind spitting back venomous, hateful words.
A rule I’ve had almost since the first time we spoke of rules is not to put myself down. And, as most do, I took this to mean “out loud”, of course, because He can’t hear my thoughts, right? Except, something I chose to ignore is that the only opinion that should matter to me is His opinion and if one were to judge by the way He can’t keep His hands off of me or His cock out of me they’d judge that His opinion is good.
So why am I so convinced that I am absolutely revolting in appearance?
When He threatens to take my blanket away, I feel frantic, panicky. Granted, the whole point of me being kept naked is so that I may hide nothing from Him. And yet, I cling to my blanket more firmly than I’ve ever clung to my teddy bear or any other “security” vice I’ve had. And when He orders me to take it off of certain parts, when it’s obvious that He wants to be able to easily see my naked form, I feel dirty and disgusting. Low, repulsive. Humble.
Being kept naked is hard for me. What’s it like for you?