Well, its happened again!!!! Another let down, 2 this week now since Friday!!! Some weekend I'm having.

I'm not going to Erotica now unless a friend gets back to me and she wants to go? Neither of us have any money though, its £18.50 alone to get in!!! I could see at least £200 being spent on credit card I was trying to leave alone and have been trying to pay off. All my direct debits came out this week gone and one overcharged me, I'm hoping that hasnt made me overdrawn now too. I would rather leave plastic alone.

I'm all ready to go out and the guy cancelled last minute. God, really fed up! Are there ANY real, genuine, NON timewasting people out there at all???

I'm not going alone, wouldnt be much fun, and I shouldnt go at all with my money situation the way it is, theres too much on offer I would want.

A so called sub male let me down today at last minute!! I got up early for the tosser aswell, was all ready to leave the house to meet him, this has been arranged for a few days now and he says, sorry I have to cancel today!!! I was utterly pissed off. So I went out and did a few things I had to do and when I got in noticed a message from him he'd sent 2 hours later saying he was now free to meet up....is that a fuckin joke? I knew it wouldnt work but that is taking the piss. I HATE being messed around.

I have NEVER cancelled on a Dom before and even when I've been feeling terrible and tried to get out of a session I have been talked around and done it anyway. So I just think its really lame. I've looked for subs in the past to try my Domme side and they have all let me down in the same way using work as an excuse. The first time I was fine about it but then when it happened a 2nd and 3rd time I just thought, right...here we have a pretender...so I am not falling for all that again. What annoys me the most is that if he knew work might get in the way then he shouldnt have suggested meeting today at all...and when I said, well can you make it later today he should of said yes or no...not got back to me hours later when the moment had well and truly passed. I was in no mood to then go and meet him as I felt very annoyed with him. I dont feel a true sub would do that. I never did.

Anyway, I am going to Erotica on Sunday with a guy whos bought me a ticket that I have yet to meet in the flesh. So if youre going look out for me...I'll be wearing (temperature permitting) either a bright red and white nurse uniform in pvc or a black and white maid outfit in pvc....which I believe is on my pic right now on profile page. Other odd occurance of last few days also...a Dom I know told me someone as been using my pictures to post adverts up....he sent the 3 theyve used, revealing ones, I know I wouldnt have sent them to anyone, it must be someone I liked, so I am wondering now who? and why???

I'm just wondering if anyone is going to Erotica this year?

I've never been and thought it might be fun to dress up in my fetish gear, make an exhibition of myself and go with someone who could be generous enough to treat me to a vollers or westward bound corset or outfit. I couldnt bear to go knowing I have no money to buy a single thing there, that would actually be a really torturous punishment for me! LOL

If anyone wants to take me and treat me then I would be very grateful, but otherwise I will again skip it this year as whats the use if I can only look and not purchase when I know full well I need a decent new corset.

I just remembered I havent yet tried pony play, I really like the idea of the harnesses and everything. I've got a pony gag, but I never got around to getting a pony butt plug with tail, looks like alot of fun!

I would also really like to be caged again and need to try more bondage too.

On Friday I'm going to Coffee, Cake & Kink to meet someone, that looks interesting also, what a good idea to have somewhere you can go and talk fetish in the daytime!

I need a coffee now I think, now prefer it to alcohol!!!

It has to be said, there are soooo many dumb people in the world and I gotta ask myself...where the hell do they all come from????

I say this as everyday I am exposed to their idiocy and it PISSES ME OFF!!!!

Its truly depressing that even the most basic information can be ignored or mis read....for example....I have put an ad on another BDSM site, this time looking for a variety of people...not for money, just for personal fun. I need to extend my experience to domination and switching, not just sticking to the tried and tested path of being a sub, especially considering that at the moment I am on a bit of a domme rampage with no patience at all for any kind of stupidity and bullshit and am on my period which makes me very stroppy, quick tempered, sharp tongued and cruel...not at all submissive.

So I get bombarded by the usual bunch of sub male fools (the few times I have advertised for a male or female sub this is always what I get). I dont go for sub men at all, they kind of make me sick really, I think theyre utterly pathetic...but, this they already know, thats the whole point. My reaction to them is either superiority as they display total stupidity or just feeling turned off entirely. But I would like a male sub I do find attractive that I can treat like a dog, as I need to see how it feels being on the other side of the fence for a change.

Now, they all contact me and none of them have read what I have asked for, even the basics of being in London and being able to accomodate...so all of them immediatelly annoy and turn me off straight away....how is this likely to gain them favourable attention from me I ask? Doh!!! It makes me already want to kick them with my booted foot, and so I ignore them and they send endless messages with unhappy faces asking why I havent given them a chance??? But how can you really see someone regularly in hotels? I dont think they lend themselves well to BDSM sessions at all, worrying about mess and noise and complaints and how can someone afford a hotel everytime I have a whim to abuse them? Its not realistic!

It would be so refreshing if for once an intelligent female sub would come along, but they never do.

As far as the others go, switches and Doms, well so far only 2 replies, neither suitable.

The hunt of finding anyone at all suitable is a fruitless one, it has been going on for many years now.

I just find it all such a draaaaaag, and really would like to find someone I actually want to spend my time with!

Well it seems there is a moderator on here afterall as my post on k9 been deleted!!! I'm not really that active in it either and I've never been that open about it and now I finally have its been removed.....seems I was right to keep my mouth shut afterall...obviously there are some topics on here that are considered 'too' taboo afterall....sad really considering the stuff that I've read up to now which hasnt been moderated....my question is this....how can you judge whats 'too taboo'??? I would say that just because a select few deem it so doesnt actually mean it should be. We're all offended about this and that, I dont think anyone is okay with EVERYTHING out there. But it does make me laugh that on this site considering all the topics that are bought up that k9 would be moderated, I mean you just have to think about the whole 'dolcett girl' thing which is essentially cannibilism. I think people still class k9 in with child molestation which I think is crazy but then each to his own.

I saw a pic on here that freaked me out as the person in question looked about 10 in the pic, if it was even the persons real pic that is?...I notice it hasnt been removed though....that made me think....how can that be allowed to stay up? Theres some weird politics on this site!!!

This site really pisses me off....everytime I write a long blog which incidently cant be copied on this site for some reason with copy and paste? It goes dead on me!!!! I have to re write the entire thing again...mostly I give up I might add. I dont save what I write on word first, I just right fresh so this is reallllllllllllllllly doing my head in now!!!!!!!

Has anyone else encountered this problem? Its like youre allowed a certain amount of time to write before it wont allow you to...how shit is that????????????

Not happy!

Ah, glad to see I have some backing on this site for once, makes a huge change!

I've come to some conclusions...it seems to me that most people are lonely, what I do provides an escape from that loneliness and of course a chance to act on fantasy and make it reality. I know about loneliness very well and have acute pangs now and then but I am a bit of a loner also. I do like company and socialising but then I need my own space too, probably more so than others for various reasons but I have been through some truly dark periods in my life and I think that has alot to do with it.

My problem now seems to be that some of the men that see me dont know how the arrangement works and seem to want to take it to a level that doesnt exist....a real girlfriend experience. They want me to answer to them, and take me out for dinner and a movie. This would be fine in any other circumstance but not in this job. I never see a client outside of a paid booking, dinner and a movie is fine if I am being paid for my time, even if those two things arent on a paid metre as theyre nice to do and dont require much from me, but I know after the last meeting it wouldnt be the case at all, he wants more than that from me...I would only ever consider it if I really REALLY liked the person, lusted after them, and then of course they would no longer be a client, they would become a fuck buddy or even a boyfriend. But, this hasnt happened and I am under no illusions, it wont happen. Just aswell I feel as things could get complicated.

Then on the other side of things, I am currently as I type conversing with my vanilla ex by text who seems to need some support but has said its probably in the end cos his girlfriend is shit. The other day she wasnt his girlfriend....I feel he's playing us off against each other but I am best off out of it. Its a funny old situation but I cannot go back to denying what I know to be my true essence. I've come too far for that and if I were to tell him the truth about me and what I now do he would not speak to me full stop, that kind of drama I dont need. I am afterall free and single, dont need to worry about an indecisive ex and dont want to know about the girlfriend and her failings either. And what I wish to do with my time is no one elses business but my own. There are of course emotions there which I wish would die but thats life I guess.

Besides which...its 'my' blog...that means its whatever 'I' want to write about and whats going on with me and what I am thinking...its NOT in the personals section as an advert!!!! I believe there is a difference...and no one is forced to read it either...yeah, thats another thing actually.....if something really offends a person then why do they even look at it to start off with? Its like they want to be offended and have their say, lol, thats really quite funny in a sad way!

Oh yeah, and whats the difference between those wanting money slaves and me whoring? I at least do something to earn the cash, a dom/domme wanting a financial slave does fuck all but demand it. There are so many different things that escape scrutiny in this field, there really are double standards going on here.

On Friday (9th Nov) me and the slut I mentioned in last blog, Marie, are doing two girl incalls, we're both subs!!! We both do fisting, large insertions, piss play, anal...she does pain too! I do a little pain such as flogging on my back only, nipple torture with pegs and clamps, pegs on cunt, face slapping, tit slapping and some tit flogging. We can be seen as a couple for you to play with or I can be seen on my own. She is older than me, not shaved, white, busty, brown/red hair, far slimmer and its at her house. If anyones interested please contact me with serious, genuine mails only! We can perform together for you as you watch and direct or you can have us both!!!

No Timewasters or insults!!!

Something I've always been aware of which has baffled me...there are so many gorgeous subs with very undesirable looking Doms out there...I dont get it at all considering I cant even find a girlfriend and have been looking for ages now. These men are horrible, how do they get these girls? Experience and personality can only go so far...I have been with various Doms that really werent very attractive but for me it never worked out no matter how much experience they were and how nice as there wasnt any chemistry and attraction there...so I am not simply being shallow, I've tried this many a time and it doesnt work for me. I just wonder how it manages to work for others really? Surely they can do far better?

Anyway, now thats outa my system tonight I had a fisting and large insertions booking and deepthroat. I took all my huge dildos, a fist, a couple of cucumbers but couldnt take the marrow, was ridiculously wide even for me! My oral went down a treat and the second time he came he said he felt like he was gonna have a heart attack...wow...mustve been VERY intense! I wore him out and so he sent me home early, poor guy was shattered! Got some great pics taken of me taking my huge dildo and my really cummy cunt..my own cum I might add.

Started chatting to a girl who is wayyy filthier than me, we may partner up now which means she will corrupt me like no ones business and I welcome it...30 man gangbangs, trips to the porno cinema for free for alls, lots of fisting each other and piss play and meeting her friends and I will be able to take incalls from her place if all goes well. We are getting on like a house on fire and we havent even met yet! She is local to me so thats great and I think we'll be a brilliant duo of total sluts. I said I wanted to join her in her upcoming gangbang and she has already said someone wants her to find a girl for her to fist and be fisted back by for a booking...that is my ultimate fantasy and piss play...she cant find a pissing partner so I am of course in demand for that too, great! Only thing is she isnt shaved and I really like my women shaved, hate all those stray hairs and tickles. I think she can teach me alot and I'm really looking forward to meeting her soon for some pics and bookings. At last someone filthier than myself, yay!!!

Well, I've just painted my finger and toe nails blue for a booking I have next week with a Dom who requested it. He wants to bind my toes tickle and drip hot wax on my soles and paddle them. Take pictures of it like a storyline starting with my feet in mules, then without, then bound and then the punishment. Afterwards he's told me he wants to fist me, fuck my ass hard, make me take his cock down his throat which he tells me is of considerable size and give me a session I wont forget. Then I may have to go off to another fisting booking that evening! I hope I'm not too sore by then but I thought it best to do them both in one day. Saying that though I may have a fisting booking tomorrow, ouch!

An American businessman contacted me today, said he wants to have me sit on his face, is really into the idea of being smothered by a big ass....well I have that alright. I sent him my pic, one I had taken last weekend of me spreading myself in a clients car with nipple clamps on and a glass dildo in my cunt and a big smile on my face...he said I looked delicious, lol. So I hope to see him tomorrow.

In the meantime I am still as horny as hell. I keep playing with myself and cumming so hard that I fall asleep...but I know what I really want and its more than a vibrator!

I'm getting a little tired of timewasters again now....mainly men that cant get what they want and so revert to being petty, insulting and assuming I am a fake. I do wonder if in fact its them who are the fakes as they are always the ones who do the messing about and are never serious!!!

I am NOT online to justify myself or prove who I am or what I do, OR in fact, prove I am for real. The most important thing is that I know I am for real and so do certain people who have both met, booked and played with me. So don't try and get into that old...'oh, youre not this and youre not really that...I knew it' bullshit....if you wish to think that way then do so, but youd be well advised that youre a total twat who has it completely incorrect!!!!! I may like to be submissive in the bedroom or bottom, but I am not outside of it and I dont tolerate idiots with little between the ears! A Dom I know said to me last week, I may be less naughty nowadays in terms of misbehaving within sessions, but I am certainly more feisty...he had a point, so do not think I will simply put up with bullshit, I WONT!

I am most certainly NOT some disengenuine cunt here to pose as something I am not...one thing I will NEVER do is pretend so lets get that straight here and now shall we. If you have a problem with me then don't contact me at all.