I'm feeling a hell of alot better today so staying in bed yesterday really paid off. But of course, now I've decided to stay in on NYE I have offers of horny fun tempting me....a Dom wants to take me to The Gate, but I'm not sure as hes a new Dom, and I really need someone with experience to handle me right. And a guy asked me about a gangbang he's setting up for his wife...I am tempted with that one possibly...but cant be sure as yet. Neither are quite right, I'm sooo bloody fussy! The thing with NYE is you feel so pressured to enjoy yourself...and frequently, its a huge, very expensive let down, I cant remember having a NYE that was ever really that brilliant or worth it, in my life...and I hate to set myself up like that...not to mention the money spent that I seriously dont have this year...although...gangbang is free :)

Ideal NYE for this year would be....a log cabin in the woods, open log fire, secluded, beautiful surroundings and lots of snow...pristine white scenery. Inside the cabin would be me tied up and abused by a gorgeous Dom I couldnt get enough of...there would be no one to hear my screams and I would be used relentlessly. Just a little fantasy of course, no harm in dreaming is there?

In the meantime I got this message on a bdsm site just now...I dont fancy the guy but the message made me horny...

how i would love to take you from the street, dragging you by your hair into my car... tying your hands and gagging your mouth.... drive you into the countryside drag you out of the car and over the bonnet, ripping at your skirt and tearing your knickers off, before fucking you roughly in the arse, cumming thick jets of spunk over your back, before holding you close and forcing you to kneel so i can piss over your tits and cunt, having you rim my arse as i wank over your face.

Now....with the right person.....

And I still am waiting patiently for my new prospective Dom to get back from Germany...hurry up please...I'm going mad here, lol.

Although I havent felt that well all xmas with some bug or something? I'm horny tonight after a few texts from a Dom I'm due to see soon. He told me to be wet and ready for some stretching when hes back in the new year, and he said he would use me on the spot and use me hard. I hope so too! He called me his baby slut whore...I kinda liked that. But I've only met him once so have no idea how it will go?

So in the meantime I have cum 3 times with a deodrant can in my hot wet cunt (I improvised quickly...dildos are all put away and anything can be used really cant it?) and my little bullet vibe on my clit...I need new batteries badly now. I couldnt help but think about being fisted, roped up, legs spread apart, and lots of far more dirty things I'm not going into. I'm laying in bed all wet, my hands are covered in my juices as I type this...I wish I had a fist stretching me.

I hope I'm better by next week cos I'm sick of feeling crappy. I'm gonna stay in NYE and make sure I get well. If I go out I'll never shake this thing off. And I just really wanna play hard soon, not stay in feeling naff.

I want some red rope soon, I want to be tightly bound with it and chained with my new chains too...god, theres so much I want to do right now...its driving me mad waiting to do it all.

Wondering why I can only see my blogs for December and no other months on here??? Like I've only posted for one month...yeah...right!

I met a Dom tonight off another bdsm site in my search for the Dom for me. We talked for a while about our interests and experiences and then he led me by a strong grip on my hair to somewhere more private in London down a back street, although, in London there are people everywhere and cameras so it wasnt that private! But...he wanted to check me out, so he forced his fingers inside me and made me kiss him before leading me elsewhere for a better, deeper inspection of my now wet cunt. And a look at my tits aswell as a hard squeeze. I forgot how much I like that, it hurts but its the strength behind the grasp that does it for me...I do like some pain it confirms whos in control and I didnt resist at all to anything. I found myself wanting bruises...I have a tiny one already near my breasts from something the other day, I looked at it today and found I liked it and wanted more bruises...just not so much so that they go black and blue and spread over the whole of my breasts is all, I have other people to see and they wouldnt appreciate it at all. He made me feel how hard he was and I am now wondering how large he is too? I know that he wants his fist in my cunt and his cock in my ass simultaneously so I hope hes not too large for my sake  If we had access to a place there and then I would of had his fist inside me before I could say no!!!! I have to wait for the weekend for a proper fisting when I go away with someone and get stretched wide open once again...I am hoping to piss myself whilst being fisted, so horny, never done it before either.

Last night I had an overwhelming urge to contact a rape group and set something up for myself where I am fucked repeatedly, humilated, verbally abused, tied up so I am spread open, pissed on, made to drink piss too, not let go to the toilet and instead having to do it regardless of whats going on, even if I'm being fucked or fisted or whatever, with at least 7 men who all keep cummingin my mouth and using me as meat in all holes for their pleasure and amusement. I just really feel I need to experience the group thing for myself but worry about safety.

Okay, now I felt this was worth a mention.....it seems to me that everyone within bdsm community is called one of these names.....David, Peter or Mark. I have never come across soooooo many in my whole life. I do wonder if its decided from birth that anyone with those names will become bdsm centred? LOL

Out of interest, does anyone go by any other names? Its a serious question by the way!

And just to get something straight...I am 'sexually' submissive...not submissive all the time before anyone says anything! So this does give me the right to voice my opinions, be myself, be a total bitch and have my own mind about me...in the bedroom is where I back down, this is where I become 'owned' and I love it, love being subjected to utter degradation, etc...in daily normal life...huh, you can just forget it!

Its funny though, when I posted an ad saying I was 'sexually submissive' the type of Dom that answered was far higher in calibre, far more intelligent, far more successful a person, polite, sent well thought out long replies, and they had no problem sending pics....advertise myself as a sub looking for a long term dom and what do I get? a bunch of complete tossers! What does that tell you? The difference was amazing. If people think they can take the piss, my god they certainly will see what they can get away with. If they know where they stand straight from the off theyre far more cerebral all round. I know I wont advertise myself ever again on there as a straight up sub! Not unless I want the most idiotic of people to contact me and use me.  They were like mental patients on the loose. Wont do that again!

Submissive doormat for the worst blokes on the earth please!!! - 100 (Stupid Land)

Hope its made someone laugh...cos it was long overdue after the sort of rubbish I've been getting which are somehow mistaken for 'responses to my ad'. I honestly believe people like the men who contact me on a regular basis just to waste my time or be really nasty, do real damage to the real, genuine intelligent folk who actually know how to conduct themselves. They are the reason why women go through an 'I hate men' phase on a regular basis and they ruin it for everyone else out there...I hate that. What gives them the right to do that? The should be shoved in a hole underground and left there to rot! But given my sense of humour and massive sarcasm I couldnt help but communicate my feelings with humour rather than a blatant attack and I think this way, it should make people at least laugh and probably get those that have been totally unnecessary towards me to take a peak and see that I dont respond well to bullshit! No doubt some sad git with a chip on his shoulder will flag it down though, someone always flags my ads...doesnt matter how innocent they are...someone always feels the need, soooo bloody sad....I just think some people need to concentrate more on what theyre doing and leave others to pursue what they want instead.

I've never really understood the attraction to online submission? I cant see how its truly submission at all when a person can be across the other side of the country. Who's to know if he/she is obeying your instructions regularly and not just pretending? Obviously some things can be proved and documented but not everything. And how can it possibly compare to the real thing?

For me I have to be actively involved otherwise I see little point. Theres nothing better surely than actually being engaged in a scene.

Same goes for cyber generally...I think a tiny bit is okay but those who get off on it and would rather have it than any kind of physical interaction make me wonder? I've never really been able to get into it unlike alot of the men I speak to who love it. For me its frustrating, annoying as your hands arent free from the typing, and just plain boring. I would rather have another person in the room with me anyday to that.