My god, I've got the full on horn tonight! I havent been feeling well for some time but I had a bit of a break from that tonight and went to see a mate, had a coupla glasses of cider, a little smoke and felt alot better. Left before me ex turned up as theyre his mates and I didnt think it would be wise to stay when we havent spoken for a few weeks or fall into bed later and string it all out once again. It needs closure now, so I'm enforcing it. I wanna be a slut, not a dull girlfriend!!!

So got in spaced out but feeling upbeat, its a few days before my period, at least I hope I have a few days as I have potential bookings and I always get really horny before my period and have an urgent need to fuck and do the most filthy things. So I've been answering my mails and going over old ones and finally answering them and all in the hope that I'll get some fun. Tomorrow afternoon I am to be raped for an hour and Monday used for anal by a very large cock in the back of a car like a proper cheap slut and I am going cheap for that cos it sounds like sleazy fun and to be honest, today I went shopping again and I need the money to cover that, oops. I cant help it, I've been having so many health problems lately what with depression and IBS being diagnosed and tests for something else and my bloody back...which today was like hell, that I sometimes have to go shopping to help cheer me up. But I do frequently take things back cos I change my mind later. Anyway, in two weeks I've to go for a sensitivity test in holland and barratt to identify what I should be avoiding and what I might need more of. I've got aloe vera juice too now. The German Dom I know has a miracle remedy and he said he'd get me some but on the condition I came round to give him deepthroat...hmm...not so sure now cos last time my jaw ached for ages and I was at it for hours. Not sure I can cope with that again. Thats me being honest there. I would rather my jaw ached cos I had been sucking lots of different cocks...which brings me again back to wanting to be used in an adult cinema where its really seedy and I've got lots of men waiting to use me. Its a fantasy thats getting stronger and stronger and I feel if I dont find someone to take me soon I'll take myself along but the one thing thats stopping me is that I know I need a male there with me to make sure things dont get out of hand and condoms are used.

Last weekend I was all ready to go out there and that stupid stalker Dom let me down at the last minute because he's a cunt basically. He switched personality again and went very weird on me, becoming nasty. So I gave him a mouthful and told him what I thought of him, mainly that he was a dreamer and needed to wise up. A few days later a text comes in apologising and saying he knows he was out of order. The guys has a split personality. I also found out hes been doing the rounds as he likes big girls, spinning the same old story to try and get other whores in, trying it on with BustySubDover too...funny when we compared noted on him. She deleted him straight away of course but stupidly I actually met him in the end, although not last weekend. I think hes got serious issues, I was all ready to leave the house looking pretty in white ready to transform into not a virginal sweet innocent girl as I kind of looked, well ish....but a nasty dirty low slut as always. But I think nowadays I like to dress in pretty girly clothes or smarter clothes rather than straight out slutty in your face. That can wait until I change into the corset and stockings and heels! I think sometimes its nicer to look a little pretty and unobvious and my fantasys now feature me doing so and then performing disgusting acts still half clothed.

Anyway, need my sleep now, I hope I get raped tomorrow!

I thought it might be interesting to put down some of the things guys have said about me or to me on what they wanna do (which I happen to find a huge turn on) on this blog as it turns me on to read it and might turn some of you on too and give you an idea of what I really like.

Just keeping it short tonight though with a few comments...

I'd really love to pin you down by the neck and tell you what a worthless whore you are and force you to take my cock and fuck you up all your holes like a total slut. I'd love to slap you in the face and call you a no good slag and use your sexy body for my pleasure.

cant wait to fuck you. you dirty fucking slapper. ill pin you down hard and rape you like a worthless little cunt!!!

You are the sickest slut i have ever heard of. you deserve to be on the net, so men everywhere can wank over you doing these things

u worthless pathetic cunt. fucking whore. u dont deserved to be raped but I will do. I'm gonna fuck your body and abuse u like youve never known..youre mine cunt!

I would tie you up put a ball gag in your mouth spank your tits so hard you would moan and drool. Then I would piss in your face and on your tits and pump your nipples up, till they started to hurt you. Then make you take a hard fisting whilst playing with your shithole how many fingers can that take? You dirty girl!

Mmm, yes please to all of the above and yes I agree with the stain on my character too and say thanks for the compliments!

Todays topic is Doms and Respect and Childhood. And I am not singling anyone out here, this is a general thing and from my own experiences, not pointing the finger at all and sundry as I dont know all and sundry!

Now I dont think its fair that a Dom doesnt have an up to date photo to send and wants to meet in the flesh without one and yet demands one from a sub in the first instant. How can a girl possibly see if its worth her time and effort in the first place to travel and spend the money for the meet? Then wanting to know all limits and likes but not actually revealing any of their own? I gotta say I am at a point with all this where quite frankly I am sick of it. I'm seriously questioning if I can be bothered with my search at all? Its not like its making me happy coming into contact with one idiot after another and having to weed out the overwhelming majority who are fakes. One thing I just cant stand is a man whos so arrogant and up himself from the word go that he demands the upmost respect like a god, even before having made a decision on if I am remotely interested, even before having seen a pic or knowing precisely what he is after. For me, and this has always been the case. I will only give someone respect when respect is due and when I know someone a little, how is it possible to respect a person fully unless you really know them anyway? I know you can respect people like David Attenborough and Alan Sugar and not need to know them, but thats entirely different a matter, I am talking of regular people here whos intentions might not be at all desirable to your own needs. I dontg think that just because someone happens to address me in a shitty manner, talking to me like I'm dumb I need to automically respect them.

If I like a person and want to submit then I may be cheeky, as part of the play and sometimes to provoke punishment or test my partner to see if he can indeed dominate me...and no, not topping from the bottom, I need to know in no uncertain terms that a Dom can actually dominate me or else its pretty useless. Usually, they can, and then I know and I can relax and at least have the knowledge that I am in capable hands, not amateur ones. And then, and only then can I really start to respect the individual.

Anyone could call themselves a Dom just to demand respect and get a girl to please them sexually at their orders, it doesnt mean that he is though. I have already made clear that whilst I am sub, its only sexually and I am assertive and will say my piece and not tolerate being treated like a dolt. I know exactly where my feistiness comes from and its never gonna go away cos I was brought up with it. I've always been teased at home and blamed for things that go wrong, I could be the other side of the world and I would still be to blame. I am constantly having to stand up for myself and my temper was always scorned and I was told in no uncertain terms that it was wrong to storm off and slam doors and hit back and shout back, etc. So instead I learnt to sulk and this carried on until I got into my first serious relationship....more in next blog...

I'm thinking of teaming up with BustySubDover in the near future and working at the weekends in her dungeon. I just wondered how many Doms on here would be interested in coming to see me and her or me on my own as a professional sub? You all know what I offer by now, for those of you who dont check my profile. Just think two fat sluts to abuse and I offer watersports and fisting too of course and great deepthroat to boot aswell as the bdsm stuff.

Bloody hell...well it had to be the Japs to come up with something that will leave you gobsmacked.....the sexy bitch in this vid is amazing. I dont know how she can bear it but she must have one hell of an exhibitionist streak and need for humiliation is all I can say, and she does everything shes told, regardless of her apparent embarrassment and is left on the floor used and looking like a proper whore...I was glued to this...take a look...

http://www.clipdump.com/movie/15239/Young- Asian-babe-fucked-on-subway/

My god, 3 posts in one day...I must be at a loss. No, basically I'm having a day off from running about today and doing absolutely nothing at all, and that includes taking phonecalls also!

I've had to just pick to tags for this post as I didnt really have alot of choice in the subject matter on the list provided, so it may not add up, but anyway...

My day has produced quite alot of unsuitable blokes contacting me, and they just keep getting worse and worse. I am quite frankly shocked by how many manky men there are out there! Where do they all come from? and why do they all take it upon themselves to contact me??? Usually the ones who I deem fit don't seem to have a clue and so I have no choice but to stop any contact and say no thanks and ignore future mails. For example....it might suggest if a person puts as a headline in a sex ad looking for a 'kinky, dominant male' that one does actually want more than just anal and oral out of the encounter even though I do like both. It would also suggest if one is seeking 'regular' encounters that a person who is travelling in London and is about for 3 days before heading back to the states or wherever they come from, isnt gonna be suitable either. And lastly it would seem very obvious that if I state that a pic should be sent when responding and if I am interested I will gladly send my own back (if not, I wont), is acceptable and the person, when told thanks for your pic but youre not my type doesnt then get shitty about me not sending my own pic back with my refusal...erm...whats the point? These vanilla blokes, and it is ALWAYS them that are the culprits, theyre utterly stupid. I might add that if you do send a pic back regardless youre then in for untold mails trying to 'persuade' you to meet them anyway, cos they happen to like you, nevermind the fact that youve just knocked them back point blank.

Then when I read something from someone and I think, wow, thats great, and they produce a pic for me, I am always repulsed utterly with them by their appearance. Oh god, how much longer will this go on for? How many disappointing interested parties can a girl get? It seems to me that the gorgeous men are thick or arrogant beyond tastefulness and the ugly ones with their words seem suitable but of course theres that huge point of not wanting to look at them full stop that gets in the way. Either one of them are useless to me full stop. And the other thing is that usually the odd fit one who isnt stupid and is pretty great turns out to always have a vanilla girlfriend and so cant ever see me anyway or is married and the same applies, too limiting. Is it any wonder I cant be arsed much of the time to meet anyone? Theres no one out there.

I've also been thinking alot about the Fritzel case and find that whole affair to be one of the most evil things I've ever heard. I can't understand how anyone could be so twisted and sick and meticulously plan for such a situation and to do it to your own flesh, oh my god, now thats the worst thing ever. That poor girl and her siblings and children have gone through hell and back. Its people like him that give everyone a bad name within the world of bdsm, but the real issue is his mind, and a need for control that went off the rails into very sinister realms. All those years keep down there, underground completely helpless being tortured, impregnated and abused by your own father, urghh, its disgusting! And yet scary to realise that there will be the odd person out there who's mind is so disturbed that they will actually carry out such deviant plans. He's not been the first afterall. There was that case with the girl in the box also and another one I can't remember the exact details of now. Its just unbelievable to think that some individuals deem this normal and acceptable behaviour and even their wives are aware. God forbid!!! Scares the hell outa me I can tell you.

Being a single girl and going out meeting strange men every now and then who are perverted, extreme, dominant and sometimes sadistic I do think to myself...jesus, what happens if one day I meet the wrong person and land myself in some real trouble and never get out of it? Its a worry. I can only hope it never happens. But the other thing is that after cases like that the world of s&m is bound to come under scrutiny and be harshly clamped down on. Tarring everyone with the same brush as the mentally disturbed Fritzel cos thats what usually happens with these things isnt it?

I read something that really made me think and angered me quite a bit too actually. Its about slaves getting pregnant. Now I am not a slave and if ever there was anything that really persuaded me not ever to become one its the subject of pregnancy and what happens afterwards. I'll not mention minors as I dont think we're allowed on here. But this is what I think. Firstly if you have a Master and he gets you into that situation and then doesnt want it but forces you to go through with the 9 months then to adopt I personally think this is totally sick and outrageous and shows no care whatsoever by him towards his slave, there are natural bonds that occur and if that happens to remove flesh and blood in that way could be very harmful indeed and goes beyond sadism. A slave may have no rights but no amount of objectifying can ever take away the fact that a human being is just that, a human being. The same goes for taking away the rights from the mother if the father passes away. I can understand this if the mother is really at a stage where she is incapable of looking after herself and absolutely has to have an owner in order to actually survive but to actually take it away and give someone else the rights to look after it is just really nasty if she has up until that point been caring for it, I would think that would cause some serious psychological damage. But if thats whats agreed beforehand I guess that slave deserves it for being so completely selfish and lacking vision. I'm sorry, but thats what it is, selfish and ignorant..if you dont want to bring another form into this life then the necessary precautions should be taken. In this case the only one of any real importance is the newborn. If a person cant understand that then they have no right in even having unprotected sex in the first place!

This isnt a game and it should be conducted realistically and some things need thought. Its one thing to not care what happens to you and your own body and rights and to treat your slave as property to be used however you like, but quite another to bring an innocent into the equation. I simply have little time for anyone who deems it acceptable. Unless you can look after and care for and love the new form properly then please don't even get to the point where that situation comes about!!! Grrr, it makes me so mad, whats wrong with people?

P.S. Dont even bother sending me mails abusing this blog and telling me its acceptable, I will just delete straight away.

Well, this really has nothing much directly to do with bdsm and I didnt know what to put it under as theres not enough options for tags, so bear with me, but anyways its my blog so I am writing whats in my mind right now...I've been watching The Apprentice lately...I never miss the series, I find it fascinating and I love the witty, sarcastic, dry scathing comments from Sir Alan. 

Now I think it would be more than fair to say I have a distinct 'thing' for Lee McQueen, the kind of thing that makes me shout out an uncontrolled 'pwooar' everytime I see him and brings a smile to my face and sets my mind fantasizing about being his whore. He is perfect in that he is the exact kind of guy I go for in looks, I like the cockney accent, his masculinity, and his height, altogether he brings all kinds of thoughts to mind. I can imagine him standing over me dominating me, but its got to be the startling blue eyes, the stubble and that mean look in his applicant pic that gets me going everytime, now thats what I mean when I say 'non clean cut' and 'rough and ready', thats the look I go for. Now, if I could have a Master and submit to his every whim, it would be him! I would gladly be his slave.

I have just found out he grew up in my area too, what a shame he doesnt still live around the corner :( Obviously I was overjoyed when he won against the 'ice queen' on his task as leader...and by the way, that girl would make a great Domina, she even looks like the stereotype of one, but I couldnt stand her, so it pleased me greatly that he won out against her. Now, if I had been there I would of been a far better prize than bloody dopey Myleene Class and would of privately presented myself to him on my knees, ready to take his cock in my mouth and give him the suck of a lifetime, and anything else he may have demanded, lol. Dream on eh?

I came on here to write a blog about something but I have found myself thinking about something else now sparked by a posting in a popular forum right now. Its the subject of receiving pleasure and of giving it.

As a sub I generally meet people who I think will be on my wavelength as far as activities we get up to and also because theres some attraction there. As an unowned sub I meet these Doms out of a need within myself to be abused and powerless, I know what I want but no one has yet delivered that to me. It scares me but excites me too. Anyway, the basic reason most of us put ourselves out there as pieces of meat to be played with is because we have a need within us that drives us to search for something or someone who can provide us with that which we seek. I've heard alot about selfishness on this site and how its all for the Masters pleasure and obviously he can be as selfish as he damn well pleases which I must say does piss me off at times not being the kind of sub who is, how shall we say, 100% submissive, but still I go and please Doms regardless of this as its what I do, I cant really see that changing.

But what I dont think people seem to realise is that humans are also selfish in one way or another, its our nature, each and every one of us can be that way inclined as we seek something which can fulfill that need, that urge, that desire to make us feel whole, feel needed, feel used, abused, objectified, humiliated, degraded, soiled, dirty, hurt, ashamed, happy and satisfied and at peace with oneself. Even though one can ultimately give themselves over completely to another and be seen as unselfish they are still doing it because they want to do so and are getting something out of it. So, is that selfish? I cant believe that people go and find a Dom or Master out of some kind of totally selfless reason. Even those that want extreme torture want it because they are masochistic, its what makes them tick, what their body craves! Look at it another way, its like those who volunteer, they do it for a cause, to help, to feel they are doing good, but they also do it because it gives them an enormous sense of wellbeing and that in turn is reward within itself. Everyone gets something from whatever it is theyre doing. I wouldnt call that selfish, I'd call it healthy!

So if by me going out to see a Dom and 'enjoying' the experience is considered 'selfish' then so be it, cos I can tell you right now, if I met with a Dom on a number of occasions and didnt enjoy it I wouldnt be back! Its never about my orgasm either, never ever....its ALWAYS about his, whoever 'he' may be. So personally if I enjoy myself and make my man cum time and time again I can't see thats selfish at all. But if some think it is well....fuck it! Welcome to my world baby!

Well I've turned into a right little domesticated girly overnight. I have to play carer for a family member 24/7 right now whilst recovery is in process and its got me doing the cleaning, cooking, washing, and all the usual apparent 'womens duties'. Its not really my scene but when in relationships I have been known to turn a little domesticated. I have to be careful not to overdo it though as yesterday I really hurt my back. But funnily enough I'm not that bothered about the housework, etc, as I'm being taught to cook again and like being busy but I had to take myself out today to town as I had things to do and just needed to get out of the house before I went mad. And I cant stop eating ice cream right now! And I had a bad moment today when my ipod classic fell down the toilet :( its broken now totally, I am really pissed off about that as I never leave the house without it, it keeps me sane and drowns out the racket of the outside world, especially when on public transport so its a real loss. I hope the insurance cover it, but I wont find out now until next week, and it might not be listed at all.

I had to turn down a dom/sub/sub 3sum this weekend too. No doubt though, that can be done anytime when its more convenient. And actually my need right now is for multiple usage rather than harsh dom abuse. And the longer I dont act out my fantasy the stronger the idea of it becomes so I want it more and more right now. I wonder how I'll feel when finally I get to service a whole host of horny men? All I know is that I will do it this Summer and who knows, maybe I'll keep on doing it with a higher number of men involved and set myself records to break! Although, it would be nicer if I had a man telling me how many I had to be fucked by each time whether it be 5, 10 or 20 in one sitting. The most I've ever had in one go was a 5 man oral fest which went on for a few hours. And 3 guys who hadnt really done much kink and whom I introduced to watersports and various other things, that went on the whole night without sleep thanks to me :) And the other encounter was being fucked whilst licking out a domme and then after theyd had their use of me I had to suck off her husband in front of a roomfull of people this was, which saw me on me knees used as a total sub slut for their amusement, I really felt at home in that scenario and then I was dommed by the parties host afterwards. And if I recall,  on another encounter I had spitroasting in a club which I really enjoyed. But all of those were ages ago now. So its about time I did something to rectify that.

Sometimes I wish I had a cock to suck!

Lately I've had a real desire to just take a nice eager cock in my mouth and lick it like a lollypop. I'm not talking about forced deepthroat here, just oral at my own pace. Sometimes with a little hair pulling and control, but mainly just letting me do my thing and please. Its the time of the month for me and I'm not much feeling like sex as I'm in agony with cramps and my backs made worse by this...but I do get horny in between that and a good sucking is what I want to offer someone, but it would be nice to be able to do that as and when I felt the need. To have a cock at hand as it were, LOL. As the urge grabs me all the time, sometimes twice a day right now. I dont need to be fucked or pleased myself, just giving someone else pleasure would in itself be enough.

I'm sure there are plenty of cocks that would love that from me but I dont want to have to journey half the way across London to do it neither do I want to dress up like a slut today, I just want to be casually dressed in jeans and make my mouth the sole object of focus, and perhaps my nipples too. I wish someone would meet me near my place and we could go somewhere quiet whether it be in the park, woods or car, and let me get my lips around a lovely hard, throbbing appreciative cock before grunting with pleasure and shooting jets of cum down my throat! Its not much to ask is it? LOL

I'm watching a programme on telly at the moment all about the vagina and its meant to deal with embarrassing problems about 'down there'. I'm absolutely god smacked that the women so far dont know what a vulva is, dont know what the labia is or the perineum (probably spelt that wrong), or much else. And not many of them even so much as look at their pussys!!! There are a few very cases where they are right to worry but I'm not talking about those ones here. The women they question in the street and various other places all think their pussys are ugly, embarrassing and horrible to look at and just plain gross....what planet are these women on? I love my cunt! I love the way it looks and so does every guy I've ever met too, all except for one very vanilla one of course. They even worry about smear tests and some avoid them from sheer embarrassment and fear...thats just nuts....how important is a smear test? VERY.

One woman is having cosmetic surgery to remove the excess tissue from her inner labia and wont have sex as she cant deal with anyone seeing it. I know sooo many men who love large hanging lips, I have them myself and theyve never bothered me. But each to her own I guess and it was obviously really severly bothering her to the point of abstainance so psychologically it had to be done to relief her stress. But the overwhelming message here is that none of the women seem to enjoy their pussys! How can you not I wonder? I think it must boil down to fear...fear of what guys may think of the appearance of the vagina and fear of doing a smear test cos of horror stories people have heard...pathetic really. And if you hate the way it looks and ignore the fact that you actually own one then how can you really ever revel in your womanhood?