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Just few ramblings off The Yellow Ardvark

Posts submitted in October

Added: 2007-10-28 15:02:48
Can you spot some?
The last few weeks for me have bean slow and boring. In fact I have spent time watching the grass for something to do. But it accrued to me that there seams to be a lack off functioning brain cells out there in your world, as born out by the following I collected over the last few weeks. I hope you enjoy them and feel free to add your own.

Idiot Sighting

IDIOT SIGHTING:

I had to have the garage door repaired. The repairman told us that one of the problems was that we did not have a large enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one for the door made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, "Man, you need a 1/4 horsepower."

I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4.

He said, "NO, it's not. Four is larger than two."

We haven't used that repair centre since.

IDIOT SIGHTING: I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbour call the local town council office to request the removal of the Badger Crossing sign on the road. The reason: "Too many badger are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore."

IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE: I went to a local MacDonald’s and ordered a Large Mac. I asked the person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.

IDIOT SIGHTING:

I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" To which I replied, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."

IDIOT SIGHTING:

The red light on the Pelican crossing buzzes when it’s safe to cross the road. I was crossing with a friend of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing driving?!"

IDIOT SIGHTING:

At a good-bye dinner for a friend: She was leaving a company due to "downsizing." The manager commented cheerfully, "This is fun. We should do this more often." Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.

IDIOT SIGHTING: I worked with an individual who plugged her extension lead back into itself, and for the sake of her own life, couldn't understand why her computer would not turn on.

IDIOT SIGHTING:

When I arrived at a car dealership to pick up my car, I was told the keys had been locked in it. I went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. "Hey," I announced to the technician, "Its open!" His reply, "I know - I already got that side."

This was a main car dealership.

Added: 2007-10-19 19:10:33
The Ardvark is in the shit. Again.

Can anyone tell me what i did wrong?

One of my girlfriends’ friends is a lesbian. One day we got to talking and I asked her did she ever wonder what it would be like to have children.

       She said it was the one thing she regretted about her sexual orientation, that she might never be a mother.
       She's a good-looking lady, and I said slyly that if she ever wanted to be impregnated I'd be happy to help out -- purely altruistically of course.
       She shot me a death-ray look, and told me with a curling lip that if she ever decided to reproduce, it would be by artificial insemination.
       "No problem," I replied, "If you want artificial, I'll tell you I love you."

Blog created by:
The-Yellow-Ardvark

Blog created:
2007-03-29 11:37:46

Latest update:
2008-11-08 10:47:04

Archive:

2007
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