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The Adventures of
Just  few ramblings off The Yellow Ardvark

Posts submitted in May

Added: 2008-05-30 03:35:43
Usefull tips with duct tape.
  Amazing Home Remedies   1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP

2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.

3. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.

4. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.

5. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.

6. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.

DAILY THOUGHT:
SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES - NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS. 
 
Added: 2008-05-07 13:33:44
learn Chinese in 5 Minutes
Learn Chinese in 5 minutes  Learn Chinese in 5 minutes (You MUST read them aloud) English - Chinese

That's not right!                                      Sum Ting Wong

Are you harbouring a fugitive?           Hu Yu Ha i Ding

See me ASAP                                           Kum Hia Nao

Stupid Man                                               Dum Fuk

Small Horse                                               Tai Ni Po Ni

Did you go to the beach?                      Wai Yu So Tan

I bumped into a coffee table!                Ai Bang Mai Fu Kin Ni

I think you need a face lift!                   Chin Tu Fat

It's very dark in here!                             Wai So Dim

I thought you were on a diet!               Wai Yu Mun Ching

This is a tow away zone!                         No Pah King

Our meeting is scheduled for next week!                                          Wai Yu Kum Nao

Staying out of sight                                 Lei Ying Lo

He's cleaning his automobile                 Wa Shing Ka

Your body odour is offensive                Yu Stin Ki Pu

Great                                                          Fa Kin Su Pa 
 
Added: 2008-05-04 09:27:50
Human Body
The human bodyThe human body is a machine that is full of wonder. This collection of human body facts will leave you wondering why in the heck we were designed the way we were.

1.. Scientists say the higher your I.Q. The more you dream.

2.. The largest cell in the human body is the female egg.

3.. The smallest is the male sperm.

4.. You use 200 muscles to take one step.

5.. The average woman is 5 inches shorter than the average man.

6.. Your big toes have two bones each while the rest have three.

7.. A pair of human feet contain 250,000 sweat glands.

8.. A full bladder is roughly the size of a soft ball.

9.. The acid in your stomach is strong enough to dissolve razor blades.

10.. The human brain cell can hold 5 times as much information as the Encyclopedia Britannica.

11.. It takes the food seven seconds to get from your mouth to your stomach.

12.. The average human dream lasts 2-3 seconds.

13.. Men without hair on their chests are more likely to get cirrhosis of the liver than men with hair.

14.. At the moment of conception, you spent about half an hour as a single cell.

15.. There is about one trillion bacteria on each of your feet.

16.. Your body gives off enough heat in 30 minutes to bring half a gallon of water to a boil.

17.. The enamel in your teeth is the hardest substance in your body.

18.. Your teeth start developing (in your gums) 6 months before you are born.

19.. When you are looking at someone you love, your pupils dilate, they do the same when you are looking at someone you hate.

20.. Blondes have more hair than dark-haired people.

21.. Your thumb is the same length as your nose.

22.. At this very moment I know full well you are putting this last fact to the test ... now remove your thumb from your nose and pass this on to the friends you think might be interested in comparing their thumbs to their noses as well. You did it -- I KNOW you did !!!!! 
 
Added: 2008-05-04 09:27:02
Rules.
Rules Out Side of Towns and Cities
Or to you out off townies; How we live.Like it or go back home. 
1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.
2. Let's get this straight; it's called a "dirt road." I drive a Land Rover because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Merc. Drive it or get out of the way.
3. They are cattle & fishing lakes. That's what they smell like to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it.
4. So you have a £60,000 car. We're impressed. We have £250,000 combines that are driven only 3 times a year.
5. So every person in every Land Rover waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.
6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of ducks is coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
7. Yeah, we eat Cod and Plaice and love it. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.
8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a Religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.
9. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.
10. No, there's no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the pound of ham & turkey.
11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: Starter, Main, and Pudding.
12. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice. You bring "Mary or Jane" into my house, she better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a Tractor, and have long hair.


13. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards --it spooks the fish.

 
Added: 2008-05-04 04:32:19
School Now and Then
SCHOOL -- 1957 vs. 2007  
Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fistfight after school.
1957 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.
2007 - Police called, arrests Johnny and Mark. Charge> them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it.


Scenario: Jeffrey won't be still in class, disrupts other students.
1957 - Jeffrey sent to office and given a good paddling by the Head Master.
Returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.
2007 - Jeffrey given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. Tested for ADD. School gets extra money from state because Jeffrey has a disability.


Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his neighbour’s car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt.
1957 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman.
2007 - Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy removed to foster care and joins a gang. Psychologist tells Billy's sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison. Billy's Mom has affair with psychologist.


Scenario: Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.
1957 - Mark shares aspirin with a friend in Staff Room.
2007 - Police called, Mark expelled from school for drug violations. Car searched for drugs and weapons.


Scenario: Pedro fails high school English.
1957 - Pedro goes to summer school, passes English, and goes to college.
2007 - Pedro's cause is taken up by state. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. Local Authorities files a lawsuit against state school system and Pedro's English teacher. English banned from core curriculum. Pedro given diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.

Scenario: Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from 5th November (Guy Fawkes), puts them in a model airplane paint bottle, and blows up a red ant bed.
1957 - Ants die.
2007 - Police, MI6 and MI5 called. Johnny charged with domestic terrorism, MI6 and MI5 investigates parents, siblings removed from home, computers confiscated; Johnny's Dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.


Scenario: Johnny falls while running during play break and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary hugs him to comfort him.
1957 - In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing.
2007 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in Prison. Johnny undergoes 5 years of therapy. 
 
 Blog created by:
 The-Yellow-Ardvark

Blog created:
 2007-03-29 11:37:46

Latest update:
 2008-11-08 10:47:04

Archive:
2008
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